More Emails

In June, Dad wrote:

Hi Damsel,

It’s good to know you can adapt to life in your new city.

Mom and I said what we had to say. Last thing I want you to be aware is that your cousin’s situation is just the opposite of yours. She was in the same advantageous position that your bf is in, rather than yours. She had her daughter to bring to her new husband’s family. So if she could find any man, financially dependable, that could accept her and a step child, she would grab him.

You are single, pretty, young, well educated and has a rosy career ahead of you. Your sticking to you bf means you lose all the opportunities to meet others.

Everyone would say it is a pity that you sacrifice all your above mentioned advantages to go with your bf. Not being very certain how your relationship with your bf might end in future, you would postpone marriage or child bearing until it might be too late for you to give birth to a child. You love children so much that it makes me very sad to think of that.

I have seen friends who would rather remain single forever than even dating anyone who they consider not right.

Pls bear my advice in mind.

By the way, how much monthly leasing fee do you pay for your car? Is there a car space for your extra car?

Did you see the apartment rental agreement to be aware of the rent?

A two bedroom apartment with one room reserved for his daughter, you should not bear more than 1/3 of the rent, in my opinion.

Best,

Dad

Ok – how insulting is he about my cousin? And who is this “everyone” who says it’s a pity that I am with the bf? And who cares about what his friends choose to do? And why make the assumption that the bf isn’t right for me and that our relationship won’t work out? GAH!

Took me a month to reply:

Hi Dad,

I understand where you’re coming from with the “advantageous vs disadvantageous” thing with my cousin, but that wasn’t my point. My point was that a blended family can be just as happy as a “normal” family. That was all – they are so happy! My whole point is that I am happy regardless of the situation. (Also, I don’t think my cousin was just “grabbing” the first man to come along – they fell in love, as I have with the bf, and I so much want you to understand and respect my feelings.)

I’m not “uncertain” about my relationship. In fact, we are planning on getting engaged and married next year, and have kids about a year or so after that. I want you to share in my happiness.

If I was at all uncertain or had any inkling of the bf not being right for me, I would not have chosen to tell you guys about his situation, and I would not have moved here to be with him. I’m sure you can understand the logic of this. Historically you’ve witnessed me break up with boyfriends before as soon as I thought they weren’t right. The bf is right for me, and me for him. I have no doubts about that.

I understand your concern about my finances. I helped the bf find this apartment so I do know how much rent is.

This relationship is very important to me and I hope you can be happy for me being happy.

The bf will be in Asia over Thanksgiving, and he would really like the opportunity to take you out for a meal. For now, he would like to email you and start a dialogue. Will you please do me the favor of entering into a dialogue with him?

Thanks and love you,

Damsel

He replied in line to the last email which makes it repetitive to copy and paste, but basically he said not to allow the bf to even email him.