From the NYT: A Stepmother, Losing Her Marbles

I just read this post on the New York Times parenting blog, and it resonated with me. Not the sex part, or even the married part, since the bf and I clearly not even married yet, but these parts specifically:

I stopped sleeping in the nude, as I had for years living alone, for fear one of the children might jump into bed with us.

This is something I know will change when we move in together and his daughter is around. Or this:

I remember the morning I made the rule to never, ever leave our bedroom sans bra after I was caught by my new son and his sleepover friends making coffee, my size D breasts dangling in the white T-shirt.

Thankfully he has a daughter, but she isn’t getting any younger and the older she gets the more I feel like I don’t want to be the one teaching her about boobs, and it’s also pretty obvious when I’m not wearing a bra at all. Right now it’s just not something I’d be comfortable with – I don’t even walk around my apartment without a bra (or hoodie of some sort) on in case my roommate is around. When I’m just with the bf though, it obviously doesn’t matter as much.

What no one tells you when you become the new woman in an already intact family is that your needs and routines, sexual and otherwise, come last.

This scares me, honestly. I guess it’s a good thing he doesn’t have full custody right now, but if she does eventually choose to live with us, hopefully by then we have other children so I don’t necessarily feel like the bottom of the list, since I’ll be putting all the kids’ needs ahead of my own.

See the smiling stepmother, proving to all those who warned her off (Do you know what you’re getting into? Those children will ruin your marriage. Have you lost your senses, your marbles, your mind?) that she can love, and be loved by, someone else’s children.

For me it isn’t about loving and being loved by someone else’s kid, but more about proving that the relationship can work regardless, and that I can be just as fulfilled as someone else can be who is in a relationship without any children.

Anyway, just a few thoughts on this Christmas Eve! Happy holidays!